Who we are today
by Saltelli
Summary: Leonardo has been blinded. Fortunately, he found someone familiar. -SAINW verse- [RaphxLeo]


**A/N: Sorry if it is awkward. English is my second language.**

* * *

He walked morosely among the stretched shadows of the afternoon. He'd just fought against a group of Karai-bots. He'd defeated some, but had to escape from the rest. This time he was relatively unharmed; the superficial cuts and extensive bruises would heal fast enough. No loss to regret. Although his wounds weren't what he regretted right now, but the fact that this day like the rest had been completely in vain.

Day after day he had looked relentlessly for Donatello. He didn't expect to find him alive. That hope had died long ago, when he was still part of a family. However, he was desperate to know what had happened to his brother. But he hadn't found anything. Nobody knew anything. Nobody had seen anything. Donatello had just vanished to never appear again; and in nights like this one the frustration was such that he only wanted to break bones and spill blood.

He couldn't believe his eyes when he noticed the outline on the horizon, right at the moment in which his frustration was growing and needed to unleash his anger. The ex-leader crossed his path.

—Just in time—whispers to himself, while he unsheathes his sais and runs towards him. The tiredness and pain of the recent fight felt light when he allowed the wrath, resentment and frustration to guide him.

But, as he grew closer, he noticed something out of place. Growing up at his side him had made him know him deeply. Even if he couldn't specify immediately what was different, he knew there was something.

Leonardo tripped. Raphael stopped.

He didn't get up immediately. He seemed to be looking for something on the floor. Raphael got closer to him quickly and silently. A ninja like Leonardo would never trip like that. As he grew closer he noticed his brother's unfocused sight. Just then he noticed the sunglasses nearby where he was standing. He was shocked. It was one of the strangest moments of his entire life, to see his brother kneeled looking what he assumed where the sunglasses.

He walked a few steps towards him. Leonardo got up with a single jump, unsheathed his katanas quickly and acquired a fight stance, waiting. When nothing happened and nobody moved, he spoke:

—¿Who's there? — He said with conviction. However, his stance seemed nervous. He kept waiting an attack that would never come.

Raphael sheathed his sais again, picked the sunglasses, walked a few steps more and extended his hand offering the sunglasses. He made sure to close them to make a small clicking sound to alert his older brother of what was on his hand. There was neither purpose nor honor in fighting Leo in such state. To be honest, he was wondering how he would live from now on. He knew the ninja training had made them able to fight without having to see; but living without seeing was something completely different.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted as he felt his brother's hand clumsily touch his to reach his sunglasses. His breathing stopped for a moment.

—¿…Mikey, is that you? — Leonardo said after a small pause after he had felt the familiar mutated hand. He put on the sunglasses in place and closed the distance slowly; his hand went to Raphael's face.

After quickly thinking what to do, decided the best would be to nod. Leo frowned when he did so.

—¿Can't you talk Mikey?

Raphael shook his head.

—¿Are you wounded?

He nodded to that. He couldn't think of any other reason of why Mikey would be quiet.

—¿Is it serious? ¿Do you need help?—he asked quickly, and Raphael simply shook his head again. He almost could have laughed at the irony, if not because he was so worried. He was thinking what to do now. He couldn't leave him alone, at least not until he made sure he was going to be fine. He would have to follow him for a while to make sure of that. Just like he did with Mikey when he found out him and Leonardo had parted ways soon after he left them.

—It was nice to… talk to you, Mikey— said the elder awkwardly while he adjusted the sunglasses and resumed his walking. Raphael walked behind him. Not even bothering in being stealthy.

The ex – leader sighed heavily.

—Mikey, you don't have to follow me like a stray dog. I can take care of myself.

Being compared with a dog pissed him off; but he didn't leave. He walked closer to Leonardo, to make him know he was close and wouldn't go away.

A tired sigh escaped the oldest and kept walking until he reached his destination, not far from there. There was an old building which installations had been useless to Shredder.

The entrance seemed to be completely blocked by rubble of what had been upper floors. Leonardo felt his way until he found a nearby fissure which was mostly hidden.

He could have gone away. He was just making sure the interior of the building was safe for his brother. Or at least that was he told himself when the mere thought of leaving was unbearable.

He followed him to a small room. There wasn't much there: an old bed, a wooden chest in the far corner and a shelf with some books was all he could see. Shame, it seemed like the Fearless leader would need a new hobby.

Leo sat on the bed. An awkward silence fell on them. It was until a moment later he decided to break it:

—You've seen I'm fine. You can leave now Mikey.

This was Leo. Even in the worst of times he still had that superior and controlled way of carrying himself; and that pissed him off. He leaned loudly against a wall and didn't move.

—Do whatever you want— said his brother while he lied down on the old and battered bed. The noticeable frustration on his voice gave him much more satisfaction than what he had felt in so long.

He could have gone away. Leonardo didn't want him in the room and it wasn't necessary to stay any longer. But he liked to be the source of the elder's anger and frustration, or that was what he told himself while he found a comfortable position and decided to not move.

They were silent for a while; it was impossible to know for how long. He thought Leo had fallen asleep long ago. Finally the idea of leaving wasn't so unbearable anymore.

But suddenly, he heard him.

—¿What do you think it's going to be next?—his voice was weak, and Raph thought he was talking in his sleep. But he heard him again, this time louder. There wasn't any doubt, he wanted to be heard — ¿What do you think is going to be the next thing we lose? —he said while he stood up.

Raphael was confused. He didn't know what he meant. When Leonardo grew closer he stood up and took a stance in front of his blind brother.

—You don't get it, ¿do you? —said Leonardo while clenching his fists at his sides —this… is nothing. While Shredder is growing stronger with every passing minute, we grow weaker. Each battle we fight has the ending decided before it even starts. It's a loss after loss and we will keep losing until we don't have anything else —He said while he removed the sunglasses from his uncolored, dead eyes— this is just the beginning.

Raphael grit his teeth. He wanted to yell at Leonardo. He wanted to hit him more than at any other moment in his life. He wanted to tell him he was wrong, that Shredder would fall sooner or later. But he didn't dare. The words were dying in his throat and his wrath in the way he balled his fists. Leonardo's words were affecting him because, after all, he just couldn't say he was wrong.

Briefly he thought in what he had to lose, what the Shredder could still take away from him. And before he could bitterly think «nothing», he thought in his own body. Lose an arm like Mikey or the sight like Leo. He thought of his own body mutilated in the worst possible way, and he just didn't care like maybe he should have. But then he thought about Mikey, about April, about Angel, about Casey… about Leo; his eyes fixated on Leo in front of him. Leo's wet strange eyes. Leo without blue. Leo without a team to follow him nor a master to follow. Leo and this new shaky voice that was so close to crack.

Leo wasn't Leo anymore.

But, after all, Mikey hadn't been Mikey since so long, and he couldn't say he was still the same. Maybe that was the loss they didn't give themselves time to cry.

He wanted to say everything would be fine, to push him away from uncertainty and hammer in his head the idea that somehow everything would be fine at the end. He put his hand on Leo's nape; this startled him a bit and tried to step back. Maybe he was expecting a punch. Instead Raphael attracted him strongly and kissed him insistently. Leonardo simply followed the kiss. There wasn't neither questions nor protests. There wasn't neither explanations nor promises.

Briefly Raphael visited a past that now, more than ever, seemed far gone but at the same time felt mockingly close. For a moment he thought back when they still lived on the sewers, on an unspecific day. They had returned after patrolling the streets of the dangerous city. Don was leaving to work on something on his lab, Mikey was joking about something silly and disappeared into the kitchen. The intense look of Leo on himself, somehow softer than how it normally was. For a moment nobody felt the need to talk and, when Leo opened his mouth to say something, Splinter had arrived to the room saying something with his paternal and serene voice. Raphael realized that maybe he had, inadvertently, changed the brief memory of something that had happened long ago; but for a long time that had been one of his favorite memories. He fantasized constantly about what the leader could have said. Perhaps it was something irrelevant and now his mind made it so big and the look on his eyes so sweet.

When they parted there was an uncomfortable silence between them. Raphael looked his face attentively and found doubt, longing and fear. Before he knew what to do, Leonardo kissed him. His hands gripped his shoulders. In a moment of fleeting bravery the ex-leader tries to intensify it with a passion that reek more like terror rather than arousal. To his surprise his brother meets him with something resembling tenderness, while the tongues dance and the bodies get closer.

Tentatively he guides him to the battered bed. Leonardo didn't protest and laid on it followed by Raphael, who covers him with his body. He starts to lick his neck up and down and felt him shiver. He kissed him again. There wasn't a point to be proven this time. The idea to kiss him because he wanted to and could do it, was beautiful. Leonardo's words had affected him deeply. Now the feeling that he could lose everything, even this very moment, any minute wasn't going away

His hand trailed down Leo's body, caressing his plastron with just enough strength to be felt by Leonardo. He heard the surprised gasp trapped in his throat when he evaded the slit that hid his erection and follow the trail downwards in between his legs. He reached his tail, massaging and gently pulling the short extension. Since he was young and had started touching himself, looking for pleasure, he had wondered if his brothers also felt the same when they touched their tails, or if any of them had tried to have something inside of them.

The way in which Leonardo grit his teeth, how occasionally soft pants escaped without his permission and the way he grasped the sheet, told him that maybe he liked it even better.

An idea crossed his mind. Being aware that perhaps this was going to be the only time he would have to try this with Leo, he kneeled in between his legs and licked his tail. He felt his body shiver and heard a deep moan that he was trying to swallow desperately. He wanted to laugh. The stoic and disciplined «Fearless leader» was now sweating and suffered to keep control over his own body.

He ended taking Leo's entire tail inside his mouth. And kept massaging it with his tongue at the same time his fingers caressed his entrance, threatening to penetrate him. The ex-leader legs spread wider, giving him space to do whatever he wanted, and for a moment Raphael wondered if that was on purpose or if it had been a reflex he couldn't help. He couldn't decide what would be more erotic, his brother offering himself like that or the pleasure betraying his steely will.

Now he could see clearly the slit, normally invisible, trying to contain Leonardo's hardened member, he kept resisting to drop down. However without previous warning Raphael stick a finger inside it, causing a delicious and tortuous friction on his brother's cock. He felt his finger becoming wet and slippery for the accumulation of precome, he moved it slightly inside, increasing the pressure, and soon after, Leo's erection was finally out. He left his tail and kissed his cock, letting the tongue taste him. Leonardo's hips shot upwards looking desperately for more friction, wanting to enter into his mouth.

He gave him that satisfaction. He opened his mouth enough for his cock to enter, but he didn't suck him or bobbed his head. Simply pressed his arousal on his mouth between his tongue and the roof of his mouth, and stayed immobile. He heard the faint sound of Leonardo's exasperation. He knew what he was daring him to do and the younger felt satisfaction when he felt Leo's hand at his nape, just keeping him in place. His hips started to move, using Raphael's mouth. Raph rewarded him by sucking him hard, at the same time he moved his slippery finger to Leonardo's entrance. He pushed insistently until he managed to get it inside, feeling his warm and soft inner walls squeezing him gently. He took it out little by little to push inside again, each time easier than the last. He caressed him on the inside until he reached that spot that made the cock in his mouth jump and Leo's body grow tense. He wondered how long would take him to come in his mouth if they kept going like this.

However, his thoughts were interrupted, when he noticed for the first time that his own cock had slid out of his plastron without him noticing, and even had left a wet spot underneath him where he had been rubbing himself against the sheet inadvertently.

«Goddamit», he thought. «If we keep going like this I might be the one who comes first».

He didn't want Leonardo to notice his desperation. And used his left hand to carefully place Leo's legs on his shoulders and without wasting any more time he entered slowly in him until he was completely sheathed inside. He shook by the effort of not mounting him as hard and fast as possible. The delicious pressure and warmth made a loud moan to leave his mouth. But Leonardo limited himself to turn his face and tried not to do anything else than grit his teeth. Even though Raph could see his cock leaking in between them and felt his interior tighten.

Something inside him shattered and started getting angry to such stubbornness. Without waiting any longer he moved, slowly but hard, moving the whole mattress with his movements.

«Is this why he thinks he is better than me?, ¿Is this why master Splinter thought he was better than me? ». His anger got deeper when he thought briefly about his father. «It's… It's Leonardo's fault that master Splinter is dead». An old grudge, intense as the day it started, reborn in his heart. He kept his resolution on not talking, so he showed his contempt through his body. He spread him wider and thrust into him as hard and fast as he could. He saw Leo panting. His dead eyes, fixated on the roof, unseeing. He saw his mask starting to crack and thought how delicious would be to see it shatter completely and have Leonardo's bare soul before him.

A cruel thought came to him. Swiftly he separated from Leonardo and didn't let their bodies to keep touching. Leo was left there, blind, vulnerable, open, exposed and humiliated. Raphael knew it, but a part of him enjoyed the idea of making him suffer like that. He moved away from Leonardo's hand which rose shaking, looking for his own. He refused to talk; but could see with total clarity the frustration on his face while he was looking insistently the body that should be over his. Finally he gave up and frustrated. Laid back down, spreading his legs, his hand went to his forgotten cock, pumping slowly while he moaned wantonly.

—…please…—he said in between pants, sounding needy and submissive. Raphael almost came just from hearing him.

He knew he was doing that only to seduce him, and wanted to resist him. A part of him wanted to leave him alone and keep a memory to rejoice on his mind. Something for him to remember that, once, he was in control and left Leonardo instead it was the other way around. But he couldn't resist him. His body wanted Leonardo more than his mind wanted a petty vengeance. Or told himself he could take a petty vengeance; truth to be told, with Leo, is likely that he never really had had the choice.

Immediately he took his place again in between Leonardo's legs and, with desperation he entered in him again. Without any more waiting, he thrusts savagely, growling like a feral animal.

Finally, he cracked:

—¡Ah, Mikey! —moaned loudly when Raph reached something inside him. His words affected him more than what he would like to admit. But, before he could even think on move away again, Leo's legs closed around him fast and strong, making impossible for him to move away. Forcing him to keep moving.

Raph showed his frustration and pain on the savage way he moved inside his brother, listening, without stopping, the unending chain of sighs and moans charged with the name of his younger sibling.

Leonardo pulled him downwards in a sudden movement. His position wasn't firm enough to resist and fell over the elder, plastron against plastron. Leo hugged him, keeping him in place like his life depended on it. His legs were making him to follow the desperate movement, although he didn't plan to stop anymore. His erection was rubbing in between both smooth plastrons, and that was the last thing he needed. Raphael felt him shiver in his arms with Mikey's name on his mouth and his interior tightened around him, hard. He didn't need to look down to know that Leo had come in between them. And Raph couldn't hold any longer after he felt his walls closing violently around him and he came inside.

Neither of them moved to separate from each other. After a while Raphael moved away, knowing they just couldn't be like that forever. He came out of him and felt him shiver. He wondered lewdly if it had been caused by pleasure; but soon noticed that the way Leonardo's shivered changed. It was then he heard him sobbing. He saw the tears falling relentlessly. If he cared to be seen crying, he didn't showed it. If he wanted to talk about something, his silence seemed unbreakable. He realized Leonardo lay in ruins before him. And he had no idea what to do.

He laid heavily on his side, and careful to not use his right arm, he reached for him and tuckered him on an uncomfortable hug. He held him until he stopped crying and his breathing calmed.

Having him like that on his arms, he couldn't help but think that one day Leonardo would die because of his sais. And hoped, that on the same fight his life was taken away by his swords; because after all, to him, there wasn't a world without Leo. He loved him, hated him and desired him and wanted Leonardo to love him, hate him and desire him with the same passion.

* * *

Leonardo woke up not knowing exactly how long had passed. He knew he was alone on the room; but there was no way to know how far his brother had left, or since when. After all, his father Splinter had given them the same training.

He didn't want to think on the issues his lost sight or what he had just done with his brother would mean in the future. An immense guilt invaded him. He thought on the word he never said, and the one he had caused damage with. Mistakes of that kind had set the future in which he now was. For a moment he had the intense need to not be alone. Although, he knew he wouldn't stay, he wouldn't even say goodbye. However, he didn't feel like he had the right to judge him or resent him. After all, he hadn't been able to tell him that Mikey lost the other arm.


End file.
